To Ease the Passing of Time

I got up like every morning to go to work.

I got off the bus in front of the Parliament buildings and walked the rest of the way.

My head was foggy and aching.

I was thinking that if I kept drinking I would soon lose my job…and my life, and I though, “the sooner the better.”

I knew my breath smelled of alcohol and I just hoped nobody would notice in the elevator.

I knew that I would feel dizzy and shaky in the afternoon, and I also knew that I would drink again that night like every other night.

I was lost in my dark thoughts when, out of nowhere, I felt a sudden and intense joy inside me.

I didn’t fall on my knees, and I didn’t see a ray of light coming down from heaven to surround me.

It was small; it was gentle and discreet, but it was real…and it was powerful.

And, at that moment, I didn’t know when and how, but I had the certitude that I would get out of that mess and be free.

I didn’t quit drinking right away; I plunged even deeper into my night of darkness, but I always carried with me the memory of those few seconds like a sign that one day everything would be fine.

That happened almost thirty years ago and I’ve been sober for over twenty-eight years.

Life is not always easy but most of the time I’m happy.

I’m a recovering alcoholic and I am still healing.

I'm healing from my past and from my wrong ways of thinking and looking at life. I know that I won't  have time to heal completely but I know that I'm on the right way.

This song by Leonard Cohen is about healing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA9VExCEV_k