To Ease the Passing of Time

Remember the story of the temptation of Jesus in the Bible? It goes like this:

Since then, the Devil keeps coming back on earth to tempt people every now and then. The last time he came, he did not come dressed in sheep’s clothing but as a politician or a businessman: dark blue suit, white shirt, red tie. And his hair was fluffy and orange like a flame from hell.  

He took a bunch of religious leaders and so-called faith healers on the peak of his golden tower in the middle of the largest city in the country.

He gestured expansively, pointing out all the lights, the skyscrapers and the wealth of the nation, how tremendously glorious it was, “the greatest country in the history of mankind”, he said.

And then he looked at each of them in the eyes and said, "Here’s the deal!"

“The deal?” one of the preachers asked.

“Yes, the deal” the Devil said. “When it comes to making deals, I’m the expert. I wrote the book.” They all laughed and thought he was very funny and charming.

A preacher and faith healer who travels all over the country in his own private jet plane to make money by making fake miracles said, “So, what the hell do you expect from us?”

The Devil smiled and said, “I won’t ask you for your souls because I know that most of you never had a soul, and I also know that those of you who had a soul sold it to me a long time ago.” Everybody laughed.

The Devil took a few seconds as if he was thinking. And then he said, “First of all, I want you to praise me in your churches, online, and on TV. And I want you to tell your people that it’s okay for me to grab all the pussies I want, and that it’s okay for me to release my stress in the arms of a lady of the night once in a while. And you tell your people that even though I always cheat on my income tax reports, even though I always try to avoid paying my workers and tradesmen, and even though I ran a fake university to scam money from young people, you tell your people to believe in me, you tell them that deep down I’m a good God-fearing Christian.

“Anything else?” said a female preacher with a British accent.

The Devil said, “Tell them that I am The Chosen. They all laughed.

A Canadian preacher and faith healer with a name that sounds like that of an old British comedian said, “That can be arranged to your satisfaction, but what’s in it for us?

“Power and money” the Devil said.

They all looked at one another and smiled. Champagne and fancy food was ordered by the Devil to celebrate the deal.