To Ease the Passing of Time

Kevin has died in a road accident a few minutes ago. He is now on what some people call the other side. He was met by a receptionist who gave him a pencil and a form to fill out. She said it was some kind of survey to evaluate his life. Other people who have recently died are filling out their forms sitting on rather uncomfortable metal chairs in what looks like the waiting room of a doctor’s office. Kevin sits down and starts filling out his form.

Evaluate on a scale from 1 to 10 those aspects of the life you have just finished living, 1 being the worst and 10 the best.

That’s interesting, Kevin thinks. Let’s see what those aspects are!

Number 1: How would you evaluate the country and family in which you were born?

Well, I was born in Winnipeg, Canada, in a Canadian family of Ukrainian origin. Winnipeg is a little bit too cold in the winter. My family was normal. We were not rich but we were not poor. I would say 7.

Number 2: How would you evaluate the physical appearance you had during your life?

I wasn’t too tall but I wasn’t too short either. I had nice blond and curly hair until around 40.  I guess it wasn’t too bad at first…before I started losing my hair and getting a belly. For the belly, I must admit that I’m the one to blame: too much fast food and too much beer. I would say 7 again for this one.

Number 3: How would you evaluate your work and career?

I was a truck driver. That’s what I always wanted to be. Oh yeah, I remember now! I died in an accident. The frigging road was icy and I lost control of my truck…For this one, I’ll put an 8. I wasn’t much of a talker. I was happy just driving alone on a country road listening to country music on the radio. Never wanted to be a politician, a businessman or a doctor.

Number 4: How would you evaluate your love life and your relationships with people in general?

It was okay. I married Jenny when I was 20. She was the first love of my life. I cheated on her a few times when I was on the road because I felt lonely at times. She must know that I’m dead by now. She’ll get over it. In general, I got along fine with everybody. People said I was a nice guy but a little bit boring. I would say 6 for this one.

Number 5: How would you evaluate your sex life?

Holy Gee! That’s a hard one! It was exciting for a few years before I met Jenny. I had a few exciting dates. With Jenny, it was, you know, predictable and uneventful. We always did it the same way, at the same time, and at the same place. And I must say that the cheating was not that great either. It made me feel guilty. I would say 5 for this one, no 4.

Number 6: How would you evaluate your spiritual life?

My spiritual life! I don’t really know what they mean by that. If they mean my religion, I was never much of a religious person. Like many people, I went to church a few times each year for special occasions, but I often prayed while I was driving. I would give myself a 7, no an 8.

Number 7: How would you evaluate the way you died?

It was quick, that’s for sure. Didn’t see it coming. I wish I could have said goodbye to Jenny and the kids, but there was no pain, no Alzheimer, none of that shit. 9

If you have any comments regarding your life, you can write them in the section below.

Kevin thought for a little while and he wrote: It was a pretty good life but a little bland. It could have been a little bit spicier. I wish I’d had a talent for singing, music or dancing, or a passion for something like golfing, writing, painting or skiing. Apart from that, it was okay, but I wouldn’t like to live the same life again.