To Ease the Passing of Time

Today is Pixie’s last day with us. Tomorrow, the vet will put her to sleep. As I wrote in my last article, Pixie has not been able to eat and drink by herself for several days. We have to use a syringe to feed her and give her water. She no longer walks to the river. I guess she’s too weak. Right now, she’s sleeping peacefully under the gallery.

As I’m writing this, a lot of memories are coming back. I remember the day Pixie arrived at our house with her little brother Mango. When she finished exploring every little corners of the basement, her whiskers were full of dust. She was so small. She could fit in a bowl on the table. That was 18 years ago.

I remember when we thought we had lost her. We could not find her anywhere at the cottage and we had to go back to town because we were working the next day. When we went back to the cottage to look for her the next night, we heard a fainted meow from the basement, and soon after we found her.

There are so many happy memories of Pixie rushing to my mind :

When we were coming back from kayaking, we could see her through the door waiting for us

When Maria was all dressed up to go to a party she always asked me to take a few pictures of her and Pixie

The way she was standing on her back legs when she was asking for food

When we were dancing, she would look at us with her head leaning to one side as if thinking: What the hell are thy doing? We had to be careful not to step on her.

Now the atmosphere is heavy, not with tension, but with sadness. It’s like there is an invisible cloud of sadness surrounding us and inside of us. But I am sure that later this cloud of sadness will be dispelled by a soft breeze of sweet and comforting memories.

Tomorrow, when it’s over at the vet’s, we’ll bury Pixie behind the house, next to her little brother who was with us for only a few months.

As we are saying goodbye to Pixie, it’s like we are also saying goodbye to a chapter of our lives, a period of time during which we were no longer young but yet not really old.

Pixie and I spent a lot of time together just looking at each other in the eyes. They say that when cats look at you in the eyes it’s their way of saying that they love you. I hope it’s true. I want to believe it’s true.

P.-S : We did not have to go to the vet. Pixie died this morning.