To Ease the Passing of Time

She started having problems eating and drinking a few days ago. She spends a lot of time staring at her bowls of water and food as if she wished she was able to eat and drink again. Most of the time, she's restless and keeps meowing relentlessly. Anytime of the day or night, she goes to one of the doors asking us to open it to let her out, even when we can hear the rain falling and the roaring thunder in the darkness. We let her out during the day. As soon as she’s outside, she’s a lot more quiet and relaxed. She stops meowing right away. She lies down under a bush tree with the butterflies and the bees, or she walks slowly towards the river with the herons and the frogs.

Pixie was never an outside cat. Whenever we let her out, either at the house or at the cottage, she would rush back inside after only a 15 or 20 minutes. She looked happy and comfortable inside. She liked being close to us, and she seemed to enjoy watching the birds and the bees through the windows. She has her little house inside the house in Ottawa, and she sleeps on the couch or on the carpet next to the couch at the cottage. When I go to bed at night, it always comforts me to think that Pixie is close to us, safe and sound.

We went online to find an explanation for that sudden change in behaviour. We found out that sometimes when cats feel the end coming, they like to find a quiet place where they can die alone. It is something that cats may have inherited from their distant ancestors, but nobody knows for sure what cats really think.

Pixie was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism three years ago when she was 15. She’s been taking medication twice a day since then. They say that “most hyperthyroid cats do very well and can live another five years or more when they receive appropriate treatment.” Some veterinarians also say that “there’s no need to rush to euthanasia when there are so many good treatment options available.”

There were a few times in the past, after she was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, when Pixie stopped eating for a few days, but she never stopped drinking. Each time, she started eating again, but she kept losing weight no matter how much or how lille she ate. And sometimes, in the middle of the night, she would start meowing anxiously for no apparent reason. I would take her in my arms for a few minutes, and she would go back to sleep. Maria and I thought that maybe she was having nightmares.

This time, it looks different. She never asked to go out before, especially at night, and she never stopped eating and drinking for such a long period of time. We know that the end is near for Pixie. We are sad but we are also grateful that we had her with us for so long.

It is now 8:00 p m. Through the window I can see Pixie walking back slowly from the river. I’ll go out, take her in my arms, and bring her back inside the cottage with us. I don’t want her to spend the night alone in the dark.